Pro golfers and politicians play game of praising golfing great’s prized prick
Pronouncing Palmer’s penis is perfect is a prerequisite to prosperity in Pennsylvanian politics
LATROBE, PA -- Arnold Palmer had the largest penis in PGA history according to a new opinion poll of pro golfers.
Over 3000 current and retired pro golfers were asked which pro’s prick was paramount, which golfer’s girth was greatest, which legend’s lollipop was longest.
Palmer’s peers picked his perfect pecker in a landslide.
The winner of 62 PGA tournaments, including 7 major championships, Palmer was the only golfer recognized for having a two-palmer. All other golfers were one-palmers at best. Most golfers were thought to be quarter-palmers.
Palmer’s precious pickle trended on social media over the weekend after it became the talk of the campaign trail.
At a rally Saturday in the golfing great’s hometown of Latrobe, Pennsylvania, Donald Trump pandered to voters by seizing Palmer’s prize-winning poll.
In a speech about the legendary golfer measuring over 12-minutes, the former president spoke glowingly of the great length of Palmer’s peerless penis.
“This is a guy that was all man. This man was strong and tough. And I refuse to say it but when he took showers with the other pros, they came out of there, they said, ‘Oh my God. That’s unbelievable.’”
“I had to say it. I had to say it,” Trump said before a group of local steel workers who lit up at the mention of the legendary golfer’s genitalia measuring over 12-inches.
“We have highly sophisticated women here, but they used to look at Arnold as a man,” he said of the fifth winningest PGA golfer of all-time. “He was really something special.”
Cindy Warner, one of Latrobe’s highly sophisticated women who attended the Trump rally, agrees. She said Trump is himself “really something special,” as demonstrated by the “highly sophisticated symbolism” of his speech.
“Donald spoke 1-minute for every inch of Arnold’s manhood. Only the most cunning linguist in America could do that,” Warner said.